I am releasing my brother

On Yom Kippur, two years ago, I was dealing with a difficult situation. The relationships I had with two of my most beloved men were very tense. Man One was very mad at me for something that, swear to God, I had no choice in doing. It was natural and out of my control. Man Two I was mad at, for decisions he made long before he even met me or knew of my existence. So as I stood there, asking God for forgiveness over and over again, I asked myself, how can I ask Man One to forgive me, when I don’t think I did him wrong; how can I forgive Man Two, while he didn’t do me any wrong. Is forgiving always only for an objective act of sin? Or is it in the eyes of the beholder?

The Mother is in town this week, and with it being 100 degrees outside the best activity we could think of was watching movies. This is what she wanted to watch this weekend:
Sex And The City
Mongol
A very eclectic choice of movies I must say.

Spoiler warning ahead; but nothing that isn’t obvious.

In SATC both Carrie and Miranda have to deal with forgiving their men, one for leaving her at the altar, the other for cheating on them with another woman. Not only do they both come to realize that they had as much to do with their man’s poor choices as they did, they also repeat the same mistakes.




In one subtle but genius scene in the movie, Miranda and Carrie are having dinner together on Valentine’s Day. Miranda comes clean about telling Big something she should have not. Carrie attacks her and Miranda uses the same defiance Steve used on her, WORD TO WORD. It is just a matter of time until we all commit the same sins?



In Mongol, Jamukha saves the life of Genghis Khan after he falls in a crack in the ice as a young boy. They made a vow to be brothers in blood. Though at early stages of the movie Jamukha assists Genghis Khan in his fights, he will not let him be the strong man he wants to be, the Khan, and eventually joins Genghis Khan’s enemy in a war on him. When Jamukha is captured by Genghis Khan, he releases him to freedom.
The surprised Jamukha says to Genghis Khan: “You are releasing your enemy” and as he rides away Genghis Khan whispers: “I am releasing my brother.” Forgiving Jamukha for his betrayal, understanding that he might have done the same thing.




Sharon Salzberg said: “The intention of forgiveness meditation is not to force anything, or to pretend to anything, or to forget about ourselves in utter deference to the needs of others. In fact, it is out of the greatest compassion for ourselves that we create the conditions for an unobstructed love, which can dissolve separation and relieve us of the twin burdens of lacerating guilt and perpetually unresolved outrage.” (Mrs. Salzberg will be teaching a workshop at The Shala on “tools for awakening courage, faith and compassion” on June 22nd)

"If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and that is what is reborn. That is what suffers” (Ajahn Pasanno, Preparing for Death)
Keeping a grudge, will create more “heat” around a painful area. If you keep on thinking everyday, “Ahhh! how much I hate him for leaving me!” you will remind yourself over and over again how offended you were when you were abandoned.

Forgive, for any reason you choose, because you were part of the problem, because you are brothers in blood, because you love, or for no reason at all, forgive, and good things will come.



I am also reposting אשם

Blame Synergia Words and Lyrics: Ron Hofmann and Roy Geffen

Only now I discover I am the one to blame,
I think of it and just can not take a breath.
I want to touch you; and you are so far off,
I need to know you are not in pain.

It seems you did it all as you planed,
You wanted more from me, I am so ashamed.
It’s not that I didn’t try; I wanted us to be one
I am on a fly and you just halt me, and then you tell me, I was wrong again.

Only now I discover I am the one to blame,
I think of it and just can not take a breath.
I want to touch you; and you are so far off,
I need to know you are not in pain.

I hoped that maybe you would see the good in me
But you just don’t want what I have to bring.
I thought I was the one that did, but I was the one with a hope,
That you will always be here, stay here, and now you are leaving.